We waited in two leather (ish) chairs right by a window just outside of the waiting room. We are always drawn to natural light - it feels like life to me when we're in a sterile place like a hospital, so we were thrilled to get to spend our waiting time by this window. It was a huge blessing that we were able to wait in our own little area instead of in the waiting room with everyone else where waiting families passed the time small-talking with each other - something that we weren't exactly in the mood for.
At one point, Nicole's friend, Edith, came out to see us (she is the friend who was with Nicole for the C-section). She said that Nicole had wanted her to come and meet us. She was very sweet and it was lovely to meet her. She said Nicole wanted to see us, but not until after the C-section. We were thrilled that she wanted to see us and that things seemed to still be on track even after the drama of the night before.
11:00 came and went. 12:00 came and went. No word. Looking back, the time actually went remarkably fast considering we had nothing to do but read (I brought a People magazine since I knew that my mind would be too distracted for anything but mindless reading), text message with people, and breathe. We had no idea when we would get the news, so we didn't want to move from that place. At one point, I put my ear phones in and listened to my Ipod (Adoption Mix 2011) to give me strength and courage...and to drown out the mind-numbing conversation about politics that was going on very loudly in the waiting room among strangers.
I figured the C-section wouldn't be at 11:00, but I assumed it would have started by 11:30 or 11:45 at the latest. It was so strange wondering if Timon had been born and was crying or sleeping or eating somewhere in that hospital without us even knowing it. And there were, of course, those moments when I thought, "Is this a bad sign? Why is this taking so long?"
FINALLY, at about 1 pm, Edith came out to talk with us. She still had her operation garb on - those white disposable pants and shirt and bonnet. She brought a picture of Timon on her phone to show us - it was so amazing to know that he was born and to be able to see him, if even just on a cell phone! She said Nicole would see us soon. As we were talking to her, Melody came down the other hall toward us, motioning for us to come with her.
We left Edith and followed Melody to the nurse's station, where a tiny baby boy was resting in his little bassinet on wheels. It was so surreal - I said, "is this him?!"...it was a strange way to see our son for the first time. Melody's intention was to wheel Timon into a bonding room where we could sit and spend some time with him before they bathed him, etc...so there we were, with all the nurses around, seeing him for the first time while we were on the move to the bonding room. It took Melody and the other nurse a minute to leave us alone in the room where we could finally pick him up and begin to take it all in. We took a million pictures of both of us holding him.
I sat in the rocker, holding him as closely as I possibly could, and sang to him. It was all I knew to do. I sang all the songs I could think of. I just kept thinking, "we have no idea how long we get to be with him today, so I just have to take this in and enjoy every second and let him hear my voice."
Micah realized, as I was singing to Timon, that we were in the bereavement/bonding room where parents hold their children who are not going to make it for long. There was a sign on the wall that said something like, "In our arms for a moment, in our hearts forever." I couldn't help but have the fleeting thought - Please, God, don't let this be true for us.
About 15 minutes later, a nurse came in and said that Nicole wanted to see him (she hadn't seen him at all yet). We were thrilled that she had decided to see him - we believe that it is best for her and for him and both of their healing for her to see him and have some time with him, even if just for a few minutes. But it was of course hard to let him go.
A few minutes went by as we sat there in the room alone before Edith called me from Nicole's phone to say that Nicole wanted to see us. Edith met us and led us to her room. I realized within a few seconds that Nicole didn't know that we had already seen him - that in her mind she was presenting him to us for the first time. I, very awkwardly, tried to express my excitement and awe and joy while also being authentic - I wanted her to get to experience this moment as if it were the first time I was seeing him even though it wasn't, but I also wasn't going to fake anything or lie. After a few minutes of awkwardness and talking with her about how she was feeling etc, we told her to get some rest and asked her if she wanted us to leave him with her or to take him, and she said he could go with us. We took him to the nurses' station where they told us it was time to bathe him and get him on a warming table to bring his temperature back up.
They assured us it would take at least a half hour, so we went as quickly as humanly possible to Chik Fil A for lunch where we inhaled some food and rushed back - if there was the chance to be with him even for a minute, we were not going to miss it! It took a while longer than anticipated for him to be ready to leave the nursery, so we stood there, just like in the movies, with faces pressed against the glass, watching our baby boy as he laid under the warming light and as the nurse dressed him.
After what seemed like forever, Melody led us and Timon (whose bed on wheels was super loud, so you could hear us coming from a mile away) to a room where we would be able to stay for the duration of the two days. We were so grateful to be able to stay there at the hospital with him. The room was in a hall where babies in the NICU room in with the moms, which apparently is super rare, so there was literally no one else on our hall.
Our room had a big window that got direct afternoon sunlight. There was a little couch under the window, and the window overlooked the hospital's meditation garden. It was perfect. We got settled in the room and then I promptly laid on the couch, Timon on my chest, and basked in the warmth and light of the sun, letting the tension and fear and anxiety of the day slowly unwind, loosen its grip on me and fall to the floor.
As we settled in, we tried to really settle while also remembering that it wasn't a guarantee that we would get to spend most of the time with Timon - we had no idea what Nicole would end up deciding about that. I kept waiting for the other shoe to somehow drop. For her to freak out, or for her to decide she wanted him with her the whole time, or for her family to come barreling down the hall yelling. But it was quiet. It was calm. Hours passed as we rested, took pictures, held our son tightly - stared at his face and his little dimple chin and beautiful lips and dark, curly, soft-as-silk hair. We marveled at how long his feet and fingers are and thought maybe he'll be tall like Douglas will likely be.
The nurses were lovely - all of them. They were professional and didn't pry into our business or gossip or create drama. You could tell that they were rooting for us. The first nurse had two pictures of her children on the back side of her name badge and I noticed that her children were biracial. The next nurse told us that she is Indian and was adopted in India as a child. She spoke so highly of adoption, saying that she and her sister were both adopted and that she feels so lucky and blessed and thankful to be adopted and that she loves her parents so much. It seemed like everyone we came in contact with had an adoption story. I, of course, loved this and felt supported by it. Micah, of course, thought it was obnoxious and wished people would stop going on and on about so-and-so who is adopted or so-and-so who is adopting etc, etc. I think several of these conversations happened early in the morning when it was still pitch black outside and the nurses were checking on Timon - this probably didn't help Micah's appreciation of the chatty storytelling.
Firday afternoon, August 26th, the papers were signed and we were able to leave the hospital with our baby boy.
The entire hospital experience was amazingly smooth...amazingly smooth. Micah and I both had no idea what to expect going into this time. As you all know, we were just hoping her family wouldn't be there making things painful and more difficult. In many ways we were expecting the worst. Not only did her family not come to the hospital (she hadn't told them what hospital she was at) but also the entire experience was smooth.
Our experience at the hospital for Douglas' birth was very, very easy compared to many other adoptive situations. Never in our wildest dreams did we imagine that this experience could be easier!! But it was. The other shoe never dropped. It was smooth and easy and wonderful. God completely and so far exceeded our expectations. Completely blew us away. I love when he surprises me like this.
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