"Bruh-Ber"

Well, I worked over the weekend on posts about non-toxic cleaning supplies.  I even started the first post by saying that I was going to take things down a notch (or ten notches) on the serious scale by going from the adoption posts to a post about green cleaning tips.

But there's been a change of plans.

Baby #2 is on the way!!!

We got the call on Tuesday from our law firm saying that a birth mother (bm) had seen our profile and chosen us to be the adoptive parents.  We then had a phone call that night with Nicole, the bm, after which all three of us said that we were excited to commit to an adoption plan together.  Which means she chose us and we chose her.  Well, really God chose us and God chose her.

Our baby boy is due in August!

It's so amazing.  I said in Crazy Cash Part 1 that we never know what is going on in the bigger picture.  That we can be devastated and sad and think something that we really want will never come to be, and yet in reality it could already be in the works.  It could be just around the corner.  We operate our lives based on how things feel in the present moment, but we have to remember that we never have even close to the whole story.

On Sunday, I had one of those days I talked about before - the ones where I forget the bigger reality that's going on and feel sorry for myself.  Why hasn't someone picked us?  When is our baby coming?  And not because the wait has been long at all in the grand scheme of things, but just because I wanted someone to pick us.  Pick me!  Pick me!  Back to the kindegarten playground, I know.  Even more than just wanting to be picked, though, I wanted to know about our baby.

On Tuesday, I was talking to a girlfriend, telling her how I'd been sad on Sunday.  How for the previous couple of days it had been hard to live in the truth - really live in it - that God has got this, that he has a plan, that he is bringing our baby to us, whether tomorrow or next year.  All things that I know to be true.  I know.  But it had been hard those few days to choose to believe it in every cell of my being. To choose to give a voice to that truth and to drown out or ignore the voices of doubt and self-pity.  It's hard to trust and be patient.

With Douglas' Hope Quilt, we were matched less than 24 hours after we received the quilt.  So there was no time for the "high" of that amazing experience to wear off before we knew about Douglas.  We were given a quilt from God that was meant to give hope and to tell us that our little one was coming soon.  And then he came into our lives the next day (even though he wasn't born for 6 more months).  I never had a chance to see my humanity come out through self-pity or doubt.

But the amazing Crazy Cash story happened 10 days ago.  And that's not long.  At all.  But my faith is small.  And this experience allowed me to see that when a little time passes (a little time), even after directly hearing from God and being told by him that he hears us and he is bringing our baby to us, I still give in to doubt and fear.  So although I knew with every ounce of my wiser self that these things were true and could be trusted and that I could rest and wait, the not-so-wise self was making it difficult at times to cling to what I knew to be true.  And that was discouraging and frustrating.  I mean, what do I need - a freakin' gift straight from God every day!?!?!?  Every week?!??!  What's enough?!

So there I was, telling my girlfriend about how much I was struggling to live in the truth and choose peace.  And about how sad I had been on Sunday, wondering when our baby was going to come into our lives.  I left our conversation, got in the car with Douglas to teach Mommy and Me Yoga.  Half way there, my phone rings, and it's the lawyer's office on caller ID.  I answer tenatively, and our lawyer jumps right in, telling me "your profile has been chosen by a birth mother!"  I of course start crying.  It's just crazy to me to think that this decision had already been made when I was sitting there saying it's so hard to trust and wondering if it was going to be a very long time before we knew about our baby!  We spent the rest of the day finding out more information, talking to Nicole on the phone, and celebrating our baby coming into our lives.

So, thus begins a different kind of waiting.  The kind that requires even more faith and trust as we choose to believe and hope for the best.  But I'll save that topic for another post. :)

p.s.  Nicole lives in Fort Worth, which is 30 minutes from my parents house!  So, when we go to meet her or visit her during the pregnancy, and when we go down when the baby is born, we will have a place to stay and a support system and family members to watch Douglas as his baby brother is born.  That is an incredible blessing!