Micah is a dad who wrestles with his son and tosses him around - and then cuddles and squeezes and kisses him. He teaches him things like how to clap his hands when Micah says "boom, boom" at the end of the song from What's Eating Gilbert Grape that goes "Match in the gas tank - Boom! Boom!" (Nice - thank you very much for that. I know I'll be getting calls from preschool teachers about this some day very soon).
He bathes him and teaches him where his elbow is and that feet aren't meant to go on the wall. He comes home from work and immediately becomes Playtime Daddy for the hour or so that Dougie is awake before he takes him upstairs, reads to him, and puts him to bed. He showed him how to hold a bat and how to hit a ball off of the tee (it's actually more of a tap than a hit).
He has taught me to hold back instead of rushing in every time Douglas falls - waiting to see if he's hurt instead of immediately gasping and scaring the crap out of the poor kid so that he learns to be afraid of falling (or moving for that matter). The result is a kid who, if he isn't hurt, just gets up and wipes his hands off on his pants before moving on to play some more.
He also taught me to hold back and let Douglas figure things out for himself rather than fixing everything or doing everything for him. I never ever would have done this on my own. It's just a knee-jerk reaction for me. He can't get the toy out of the container or any of a million other things he can't yet do? I'll just do it for him. Now, I know to resist my initial reaction and hold back - to wait. To watch. And what I've seen over the months is our son developing into a kid who is a problem-solver. He's not afraid of trying something a few different ways to figure it out. He's learning in small ways that he doesn't have to be afraid to fail - that trying is all we want from him. That we believe that he is capable of very much. And that, if after trying his best he still can't do it, he can always ask for help. This is not who my son would be if Micah were not his dad. It is amazing to learn from him in these ways and then to watch, to literally see it happening as these choices we make flesh themselves out in who Douglas is becoming.
Micah is endlessly creative and always willing to get dirty and worn out all in the name of fun and memories. He's the guy who (before Douglas was born) decided to make a mud pit with our nephews and friends in the back yard - the same yard that he had just spent countless hours and days tilling up and re-seeding literally weeks before - so that they could play "slip and slide" in the mud.
Nevermind that this resulted in some serious road rash on his chest from all the little pebbles on the slip 'n slide course. He seized the day. He chose making memories with his nephews over having the nicest yard on the block. (I would be lying if I didn't say it took me a few minutes to see the big picture and to appreciate this big fat muddy mosh pit in our yard when I came home that night, but eventually I did).
Micah's also the guy who runs like crazy through the sprinklers with the kids, yelling and racing and jumping through the ice-cold water, carrying Dougie through the outskirts because he's afraid.
I think my favorite part about him as a dad is the juxtaposition of his rowdy, tough, let him work it out side with his tender, lullaby-singing, tickle partying, "I love you" saying, kiss on the lips, snuggle fest side.
I think Douglas has learned this from his Daddy. The other morning, this little exchange with Micah started with a cuddle, digressed into wrestle mania where Douglas pulled out the old "sit on their head and put your fingers up their nose" move, and ended with another cuddle.
I love this man who is my husband. I love a million things about him - the newest volume of Why I Love my Husband is titled "Because he is the best dad I ever could have picked for my precious children." He makes us laugh all the time. He asks forgiveness when he has been harsh, and he is willing to change course when he knows he was wrong. He encourages Douglas (and soon Timon) to be stronger and gentler and braver and wiser and freer and more himself all at the same time.
Happy Father's Day to the man that I get to watch love our children every single day. If I could choose from any guy in the world to raise kids with, it would be you. I'm one very lucky lady.
He will be embarrassed that I posted this, but I couldn't help myself. It seemed fitting that in this place where I write about my life, I honor the man who I get to live it with.
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