Dad's Black Jacket, Part 3, "Sorprise!, Sorprise!, Sorprise!"

Though I love consistency, I also really love the things about people that surprise me, the parts that don't fit neatly in the box of "who this person seems to be".  Each of us has these seemingly contradictory parts of ourselves.  It can be confusing to some, but really it keeps us interesting and alive.  I love these little things about people.  I love it when someone acts in a way or looks some way that makes me do a double-take mentally...it's so exhilarating to be reminded that people are always, always complicated and complex and there is always more there than meets the eye.  No one is one way all the time.  These contradictions soften the edges of who a person is.

My dad's voice is soft though he has a very strong personality.  His smile, when you truly get the real deal, looks a little mischievious and excited like a child's, even though he is not childish at all...I love this smile.  I notice it and treasure it when it comes.

He can be silly and goofy from time to time, though he in many ways tends to be a serious person (time with his grandkids has begun to bring his silly side out more often, and I really love that).

My dad has beautiful sky blue eyes, soft and endearing and calming and lovely. 

He is a hard working, super-driven man who has a heavy dose of perfectionism in him.  He has always expected a lot of his children and those he cares about...something that can be both good and painful.  His soft blue eyes, to me, represent the gentle, kind, compassionate part of him.  They represent this man who stays up at night worrying about his family when one of us is sick or hurting or feels alone.  Those eyes, more and more with each passing year, well up with tears when he hears painful or joyful stories about others. 

 

I love his blue eyes because they represent the side of my dad that I love the most...they remind me who he really is under all the layers of self preservation that each of us in this world has wrapped ourselves in.  He is a man who has stood by his family for over 30 years, working hard to give us the things that we need and the things that we want, striving to bring us closer to each other and closer to Jesus.  He is a man who cuddled with us when we were little and made family vacations a priority and was home for family dinners and coached our soccer teams and worked hard to be at events that were important to us as often as he could.  A dad who is committed to being a good and loving dad even though his own dad was often cruel and didn't know how to affirm his children or teach them how to give or receive love.  His blue eyes are filled with all of these beautiful parts of himself...so much Light.

Thank you, Dad, for who you are...all of who you are.  The parts that are harder for me to receive and the parts, like your soft blue eyes or the kindness that they represent, which I have never had to work a day in my life to love like crazy.  Thank you for sharing your life and your heart with me and with our family.  I love you.  I love Dad's Black Jacket 4.0.  I love your loafers.  I love your soft voice and white hair and the things that you and your life represent.

 'Twas the Night Before Christmas